Hello and welcome to Talk2Toria. Today, we will discuss a very personal topic to me: the art of saying no. Self-care and establishing healthy boundaries have revolutionised my life, and being able to say no is at the core of this change for me.
What is Saying No and Why Everyone Should Learn How to Do This?
Saying no is not just about declining requests; rather, it is a form of self-awareness and acknowledgement of one’s boundaries. It is one of the skills that fuels mental and emotional health. Most importantly, it is fundamental to preserving your identity. Therefore, for me, saying no was less about rejecting people and more about embracing myself: my values, my desires, and my worth.
My Learning Experience: A Real-Life Example
The story of my no-wisdom journey started in the never-ending whirlwind of expectations. The triad of job duties, relationship maintenance, and work on self screamed for attention, and I was desperate to satisfy everyone. I was a staunch people-pleaser who never let anyone down, at the cost of my own health and happiness.
The Epiphany
One week I noticed the growing drop in my energy levels and the person I became: nagging, tired, and indifferent to her needs. It hit me. Saying yes to others while constantly agreeing with society was saying no to myself.
The Power of No: Where It Began.
The first time I whispered the word “no” was a warm-up. I practiced by using it in volatile situations a few times. I refused the extra project at work, I did not go to the meeting with friends and preferred comfortable loneliness at home, I didn’t eat another piece of cake. Now each time I refused, I made one step more towards my energy and one more to what really matters to me.
It wasn’t easy. Saying no under any circumstances and to people for whom I don’t really want to refuse was accompanied by unbearable guilt. But the longer I kept my line of conduct, in the end, the other attitude towards my time, and the necessary conclusions were around me.
Every time I announced my refusal, I felt more courageous and powerful. It was exciting to go on a choosing spree for my needs and values instead of someone else. This power helped me be more devoted to my health, my favorite business and my loved ones.
How to start?
If you’re struggling to set boundaries and prioritize your self-care, here are some tips that helped me on my journey:
- Test yourself Physically, – emotionally, – set limits.
- Communicate Clearly: Be straightforward about your no. Honesty is key.
- Don’t Apologize for Prioritizing Yourself: Your needs are important and you do not owe anyone an apology for taking care of yourself.
- Practice Regularly: Like any skill, saying no gets easier with practice.
- Reflect on Your Experiences: Take time to reflect on how saying no makes you feel and adjust your approach if needed.
What is the profit:
Learning to say no has transformed my relationships and my self-esteem. It has taught me to value my time and my emotional well-being, and it has allowed me to engage more deeply in activities and relationships that are truly meaningful.
In Relationships:
My relationships have improved due to the clearer boundaries. All of my friends and relatives know what I can agree to and what I cannot. It allowed me to grow closer to the people who truly value and respect me.
In Work:
I have become much more efficient at work solely because I started to say no. I agree only to the projects that I know I can deal with, and this made me a more effective worker.
In Personal Health:
Self-care became my priority, and it transformed my life. I am less anxious, I feel happier and I always listen to what my body needs.
Here are a few questions that you should be asking yourself:
- Have you ever felt guilt or shame at being unable to say no?
- In what way would setting further restrictions in your life be helpful?
- Please explain how the power of no might enhance your life.
Remember, saying no is an act of respect towards yourself. It allows you to value your time, energy, and emotional resources. The more you refuse, the more you can give your own truly important things.”
