The Myth of the Perfect Woman: Debunking Unrealistic Beauty Standards

I was 13 when I first became aware of unrealistic beauty standards. I was at a family gathering when an older woman—an aunt, I think—smiled at me and said, “You’re a pretty girl, but if you lost a little weight, you’d be even prettier.”

01.

The First Time I Felt “Not Enough”

She said it casually, like it was a fact. But something inside me shifted. I hadn’t even thought about my weight before that moment. I was just a kid. But after that, I started looking at myself differently. I started to wonder:

Was I almost pretty? Was I almost enough?

That one comment opened a door I never wanted to walk through. Suddenly, I noticed how much importance people placed on appearance—on being perfect.

🚫 Skin should be smooth and light—blemish-free, poreless, glowing.
🚫 Hair should be long, silky, and “manageable.”
🚫 Bodies should be curvy but slim—thick in the “right” places, flat everywhere else.

At 13, I was introduced to the unrealistic beauty standards women were expected to follow. And once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.

02.

The Invisible Checklist: What Society Expects from Women

The rules of beauty were everywhere. Movies, TV shows, magazines, and social media all seemed to be saying the same thing:

💄 If you’re beautiful, you matter.
💄 If you’re not, you need to change.

I started paying attention to how people talked about beauty, and I realized there was always a “but.”

• “She’s pretty, but she’s too dark.”
• “She has a nice body, but she needs to lose weight.”
• “She’s attractive, but her nose is too big.”

There was always something that needed to be fixed.

By the time I was 16, I had tried almost everything:

• Skin-lightening creams that stung my face.
• Diets that made me feel weak and tired.
• Hours straightening my hair, only for it to frizz up the second I stepped outside.

I wasn’t doing these things because I wanted to—I was doing them because I thought I had to in order to fit unrealistic beauty standards.

The scariest part? I wasn’t alone.

At school, my friends were going through the same thing.

One of my friends barely ate because she wanted to be “skinny like the models.”
Another friend constantly used bleaching creams, even though they made her skin peel.
Someone I knew was saving up for a nose job before she even turned 18.
We were teenagers, but none of us felt good enough just as we were.

There is a kind of beauty in imperfection

Conrad Hall

03.

Who Decides What’s Beautiful?

I used to think beauty was natural. That it was obvious. But then I started questioning:

🤔 Why is lighter skin seen as better than dark skin?
🤔 Why is straight hair considered “neat,” while natural curls are seen as “messy”?
🤔 Why do beauty trends change every few years?

And then it hit me: unrealistic beauty standards aren’t real.

They are created by society, shaped by media, and constantly changed by businesses that profit from our insecurities.

For example:

In the 1950s, curvy women were the ideal.
In the 1990s, super-thin models became the standard.
In the 2020s, the “perfect” body is an exaggerated hourglass shape—slim waist, big hips, flawless features.
The “ideal” keeps changing because it was never real to begin with.

04.

The Business of Beauty: Why Insecurity Is Profitable

The beauty industry is worth billions of dollars. And it thrives on one thing: making women feel like they’re not enough by reinforcing unrealistic beauty standards.

Think about it: If we were happy with ourselves, who would buy:

Skin-lightening creams?
Diet pills?
Plastic surgery?
The beauty industry survives by convincing us we need to fix something about ourselves.

💰 The Skincare Industry sells anti-aging creams, fairness products, acne treatments.
💰 The Weight-Loss Industry profits from detox teas, diet plans, extreme workouts.
💰 The Plastic Surgery Industry makes millions from procedures like lip fillers, body sculpting, and nose jobs.

The goal isn’t to make women feel beautiful. The goal is to keep them chasing beauty.

05.

The Emotional and Physical Cost of Chasing Perfection

Trying to meet unrealistic beauty standards isn’t just exhausting—it’s dangerous.

One day, at 20, I was scrolling through Instagram, looking at women who seemed perfect. And I realized something:

💡 What if the problem wasn’t me?
💡 What if I wasn’t supposed to look like them?
💡 What if I was already enough?

That moment changed everything.

06.

How I Stopped Trying to Be “Perfect”

It wasn’t easy, but I started unlearning the lies I had been told about unrealistic beauty standards. Here’s what helped:

✅ I stopped following accounts that made me feel insecure. Instead, I followed people who celebrated real, unfiltered beauty.

✅ I questioned beauty standards. Who benefits from me feeling bad about myself? (Hint: It’s not me.)

✅ I focused on how I felt, not how I looked. Instead of trying to be “perfect,” I focused on being healthy, confident, and happy.

✅ I surrounded myself with people who valued more than looks. Beauty fades. Kindness, intelligence, and personality last forever.

07.

Final Thoughts: You Are More Than Your Looks

If you’ve ever felt like you’re not beautiful enough, please remember this:

💡 Beauty is not a checklist. You don’t have to be lighter, thinner, taller, or anything else to be worthy.

💡 Beauty is not pain. If a product, procedure, or habit is hurting you, it’s not self-care—it’s self-destruction.

💡 Beauty is not one thing. There are billions of people in the world, and all of us look different. How could there ever be just one definition of beauty?

💡 Beauty is not your purpose. You are here to do more than just look good. You are here to live, love, create, learn, and grow.

The only way to free ourselves from unrealistic beauty standards is to stop chasing them.

08.

Open Discussion

💬 Have you ever felt pressured by unrealistic beauty standards? Let’s talk in the comments.