Are sex myths hurting your sex life? Read on to learn about 10 common misconceptions that are preventing you from having the best sex of your life. You’ve heard all the rules: size matters, men are built differently than women, and foreplay is more vital to women than to men. But you know better, right? Read on to learn how to use the right knowledge and techniques to transform your couple’s sex life. If you take nine minutes to read this article, it will change your life.
Here, at talk2toria, we realise that every relationship – especially the sexual form – requires mutual, tactful and open communication. Thus, we are here, because we want to inspire you in your down-to-earth sex adventures. You no longer need to be misinformed or feel anxious. It is time to be confident, to take charge and to enjoy the pleasure for yourself!
Together, let’s bust these sexual myths, give you and your partner the tools you need to make love fulfilling, and put you on the road to hot, satisfying sex! Now, let’s make it happen.
Myth: Size Matters
It is commonly believed that the key to having good sex is being the biggest. However, while sex is an important part of life, this is not the truth.
Both men and women often have anxiety issues because they worry that their partner does not feel satisfied with the amount of stimulation they receive. This can lead to insecurity. However, being the biggest has nothing to do with sexual gratification; connecting, communication and technique is all required.
That said, guys like big girls, and girls like guys with big – er, swingers. The key is this: whatever you’ve been handed, perfect your use of it. You should be willing to experiment with positions, angles and techniques until you find what works best for yourself and for your partner to work the magic. Huge penises might be showstoppers, but it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean that really matters.
Most women don’t orgasm from penis-in-vagina action alone – instead, the clitoris usually needs massaging to make her climax. So if you’re nervous about your size, don’t be: just be inventive and use your hands, mouth or toys to stimulate your vagina’s little friend above. Just make sure you wear a condom, because applying saliva to a sex toy (as with any kind of sex) will transfer bacteria from your mouth onto it. Talk about what feels good and experiment to discover new techniques.
Myth: Women Don’t Enjoy Sex as Much as Men
The second is that women do not enjoy sex as much as men do, which also comes from rules in society and stereotypes that say women should be passive and that they do not like sex as much, and are not as into or as outspoken about it.
Women should feel comfortable asking for what they want and orgasming just as hard as men – and everyone should feel comfortable asking for what they want and orgasming on their own terms, regardless of how out-of-the-ordinary it might seem. There’s nothing wrong with embracing your inner perv. Creating an environment in which couples feel free to speak their minds and engage in honest, open communication will allow them to share their desires, fantasies and boundaries
Kissing and cuddling, exploring each other’s bodies, trying new techniques and learning to devote lots of time to foreplay will make sex more enjoyable for women. It isn’t a ‘battle of the sexes’. Both men and women deserve to enjoy sex.
Myth: Men Should Always Initiate Sex
It’s a ridiculous stereotype to think that it always has to be a man who does the asking. Sexual initiation should be a shared responsibility; you can both express interest in having sex and receptively respond to the other’s advances without it being awkward or negative.
Rebelling against stereotypes about traditional gender roles – such as men never getting bored with sex and women only engaging in sex to please men – allows you to be more balanced in your approach. Talk about fantasies and desires and allow yourself to respond to your partner’s invitations for sex. You can both experiment with who takes the lead, freeing you from the pressure imagined by those stereotypes. Ensure that you’re both initiating sex, and that once you’re in bed together, it’s about both of you and not just one of you.
Myth: Good Sex Should Always End in Orgasm
It’s only one point on the erotic map, and not necessarily the ultimate destination it’s sometimes portrayed to be. Orgasm can be a marvellous experience, but we can’t forget that underneath its splendours and delights sometimes lurks the dreary knowledge that sex is for the most part journey, not destination. It’s the sex we make with each other in between climaxes that counts as well.
Excessive focus on orgasm can lead to pressure, particularly for men. Think instead about pleasure, trying new things, touching your partner in new ways. By encouraging exploration of different techniques, positions and sensations, you’re increasing the chances that you and your partner are going to feel great and get off. This isn’t about taking longer; it’s about noticing that experiencing pleasure every step along the way can be just as good as the end.
Myth: Couples Should Have Sex Every Day
There is a prevailing thought that perhaps couples should have sex every day once they get together. However, sex can be an important factor of a romantic relationship but it applies not same for every couple.
It isn’t about the number of times you have sex every week or every month – it’s about the quality of the sex that you have. What’s more important is how connected and emotionally intimate you and your partner are, not how many times a week or a month you’re getting it on. If one of you is depressed, you might feel like you want to pull away, but this won’t improve your connection. More often, it will have the opposite effect. You both need a different strategy; start by having an open conversation about what you’d prefer and what you can’t tolerate.
Myth: Sex Should Always Be Spontaneous and Passionate
Soap operas and Hollywood movies frequently portray sex as being spontaneous, romantic, passionate and climactic, however, real-world sex should not always be described as a Hollywood love scene and spontaneous and romantic.
People should stop believing that sex is supposed to be spontaneous and romantic since not every time it is that way.
If you are in a long-term relationship, sex will ebb and flow regularly, and it is completely normal to experience a time when you want it more and less often. The most important part is to communicate with your partner. Communicate what you want because your partner may not be able to read your mind in that way, and make sure your expectations about sex are clear.
Creating a routine or schedule for sex will help couples stay connected; it’s a fail-proof way of making sure that there is some space set apart for sexual activity. Experiment with different ways to create desire: dim or smoky lighting, music, a new piece of lingerie, or even a very short alarm set to go off around midnight. Think of your intimacy as something that can be fostered.
Myth: Pornography Is a Realistic Representation of Sex
One of the most common false beliefs about sex is that pornography provides insights into what sex is really like; but porn is almost purely entertainment and fantasy, not realistic sex.
Pornography not only glorifies behaviours that may not be conducive to good sex, it also creates expectations, and often unrealistic performance pressures. Fantasy and reality should remain separate, and individual sexual preferences, kinks and desires also shouldn’t be compared to those of individuals who have watched porn.
Instead of turning to porn for inspiration, talk to your partner about what you each crave. Seek their fantasies, the things they want to experience with you, their limits, and their sexual boundaries. In the real world, sex is about closeness, about pleasure and satisfaction.
Myth: Communication about Sex Is Unnecessary
Communication is the key to every good relationship, so if you have a relationship where talking about sexual interests and preferences is forbidden, you have the perfect recipe for dissatisfaction. But because of the myth that communication about sex is not necessary, women get insensitive partners.
If you speak openly before and during intimacy about your desires, boundaries and fantasies, you can both give and get consent, feel heard, appreciated and satisfied. Take the time to check in with your partner about their sexual needs and desires, and receive their feedback and requests.
Making that space between the two of you, a safe and sex-positive one where ideas can be discussed, could be a major boost for your sexual connection. Remember, when it comes to sex, our first instinct should not be to shut down conversation, whether out of inhibition or cultural training. There’s a possibility that talking – really talking – will make things even better.
Nine-Minute Exercises to Enhance Your Couple’s Sex Life
With the death of the sex myths behind us, and with the importance of communication hopefully resounding in your ear, you can help yourself and your loved one start practising these nine-minute exercises to tune in to each other emotionally and physically in order to make sex between you more intimate, connecting and sexy.
- Sensate Focus: Spend nine minutes exploring each other’s bodies without the aim of orgasm, focusing on touch, sensation and pleasure, and sharing your likes and dislikes as you go.
- Fantasy Sharing: Each of you takes a turn sharing a sexual fantasy with the other person. This exercise builds trust, vulnerability and discovery of what each other wants.
- Breathing Exercise: Try a simple practice of breathing together so that you can connect with one another on a deeper level during lovemaking. Breathe together on your ins and outs. Inspire and expire in sync with each other’s movements.
- Express Gratitude: Spend nine minutes expressing your gratitude to your partner for being sexual – his sexual qualities, or his sexual abilities, or the ways in which he is or isn’t trying with the process.
- Role Play: Take turns giving each other a sensual massage, focusing on sensuality, relaxation and pleasure. Add scented oils and candles.
- Erotic Massage: Take turns giving each other a sensual massage, focusing on touch, relaxation, and pleasure. Use scented oils or candles to create a sensual atmosphere.
- Kissing Meditation: Spend nine minutes kissing your partner and do so mindfully and with full presence. What sensations, emotions and heart-to-heart contact do you experience through this kiss?
- Sexual Bucket List: Write down your sexual fantasies, kinks, desires and experiences you want to share with a partner in a ‘couples bucket list’ to communicate your sexual goals and open up the discussion.
- Intimacy Building: Set the timer for nine minutes and find something non‑sexual to do that fosters intimacy-building, such as sharing a shower or cuddling on the couch, hugging or holding hands. This activity fosters intimacy as it cements an emotional bond between the partners.
Conclusion
Hopefully, we have debunked many misconceptions and myths surrounding sex and rekindled your interest in pursuing your own sex life with your partner. We have shown you that big is not necessarily better, that women love sex as much as men do, and that initiation should not always be the man’s task.
Sometimes sex doesn’t end in orgasm, sometimes it happens infrequently, sometimes it isn’t passionate, sometimes it is more inspired by pornography than by reality, sometimes it requires discussion, sometimes it takes nine minutes to make it better – and, sometimes, it doesn’t work at all.
Take charge of your sex life, and try to talk openly and honestly with your partner: after all, increased sexual health usually means increased overall health. And remember – prioritise pleasure, intimacy and connection at every turn. By understanding the roots of the sexpectations you and your partner have (and recognising that they are rooted in nature, business and in certain cases your cultural heritage), you can both avoid frustration and reach new highs between the sheets. You have nine minutes; what are you waiting for? Meaning and purpose lie just within your grasp.
