Are you really going out wearing that? This is the story of how I broke free from that mindset and discovered the true power of owning your style.
01.
The Moment It Hit Me
That question stopped me in my tracks. I had just put on an outfit I loved—ripped jeans, an oversized graphic tee, bold red lipstick, and chunky boots. I felt confident, comfortable, and completely me.
But the comment came from my then-boyfriend, his tone laced with disapproval.
“…It’s not very flattering. Guys don’t really like that style, you know.”
I remember feeling a mix of emotions—confusion, embarrassment, and frustration. Not because I thought he was right, but because I suddenly realized how often I had dressed to meet someone else’s expectations, especially men’s.
That day was a turning point. It made me question: Who am I really dressing for?
Spoiler: It wasn’t for myself. you are not owning your style.
(If you’re interested in similar topics, check out The Myth of the Perfect Woman: Debunking Unrealistic Beauty Standards for more insights on societal expectations.)
02.
The Silent Pressure to Dress for Men
Growing up, I didn’t realize how much of my style was influenced by what I thought would be “attractive” to men. It wasn’t something people said outright, but it was everywhere:
Magazines telling me what outfits “men love.”
TV shows where the “hot girl” always dressed a certain way—tight clothes, perfect makeup, flawless hair.
Friends’ advice: “Guys prefer natural makeup,” or “Boys don’t like girls who wear baggy clothes.”
Without even noticing it, I was adjusting my style to fit an invisible rulebook:
👗 Wear dresses because they’re “feminine.”
👠 Avoid clothes that are “too bold” because they might intimidate men.
💄 Don’t wear dark lipstick—it’s not “attractive.”
And for a long time, I followed those unspoken rules. Not because I didn’t have my own preferences, but because I was conditioned to believe that looking good meant being appealing to men.
A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work
Colin Powell
03.
The Turning Point: Why I Stopped Dressing for Men
The moment with my boyfriend was just the tip of the iceberg. Over time, I realized I was shrinking parts of myself to fit into a version that society—and relationships—had taught me was “acceptable.”
But here’s the thing: No matter how much I adjusted, it was never enough.
If I wore makeup, some would say, “I prefer natural beauty.”
If I didn’t wear makeup, others would comment, “You look tired.”
If I dressed up, it was “trying too hard.”
If I dressed down, it was “lazy.”
I realized I was stuck in a cycle of dressing for approval that I would never consistently get. And even when I did, it didn’t feel satisfying because I wasn’t dressing for me.
That’s when I decided: I’m done.
I was done filtering my style through someone else’s lens. Done asking, “Will he like this?” instead of “Do I like this?”
I wanted to experience the freedom of owning my style—unapologetically.
04.
What I Learned About Owning Your Style
Once I let go of the idea that my style needed to appeal to anyone but myself, I learned some powerful lessons.
a) Confidence Comes from Authenticity
When you wear something because you love it, it shows. You carry yourself differently. It’s not about fitting into trends or meeting expectations—it’s about feeling like the most authentic version of yourself.
b) Style Is Personal, Not Universal
There’s no such thing as “the perfect outfit” that everyone will love. What’s attractive to one person might not be to another—and that’s okay. Style isn’t about universal approval; it’s about personal expression.
c) Dressing for Yourself Is Empowering
When you stop dressing for the male gaze—or anyone else’s expectations—you reclaim your power. You’re no longer seeking external validation. Your style becomes a reflection of who you are, not who the world wants you to be.
d) You Can Still Be Feminine Without Limits
Choosing not to dress for men doesn’t mean rejecting femininity. You can love dresses, makeup, and heels—and still be dressing for you. The key is intention. Are you wearing it because it feels good, or because you think you should?
05.
The Freedom of Owning Your Style
Here’s what changed when I started owning my style:
I experimented more. I stopped worrying about whether something was “too much” or “not enough.” If I liked it, I wore it.
I felt more confident. Not because I looked better, but because I felt more like myself.
I attracted the right people. When you’re authentic, you naturally connect with people who appreciate the real you.
I stopped seeking approval. Compliments became nice, not necessary. Criticism stopped feeling personal.
Owning your style isn’t just about clothes. It’s about identity, confidence, and self-respect.
06.
How to Start Owning Your Style
If you’ve ever felt trapped by the pressure to dress a certain way, here are some steps that helped me reclaim my style:
✅ 1. Ask Yourself, “Do I Like This?”
Before buying or wearing something, pause and ask:“If no one else had an opinion, would I still love this?”
If the answer is yes, that’s your style talking.
✅ 2. Unfollow Influences That Don’t Inspire You
Social media can be inspiring, but it can also create pressure to look a certain way. Curate your feed with people who celebrate authenticity, not perfection.
✅ 3. Experiment Without Fear
Try new colors, patterns, and styles—even if they’re outside your comfort zone. Style isn’t about “getting it right.” It’s about exploring what feels good to you.
✅ 4. Stop Explaining Yourself
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you dress the way you do. If someone says, “Why would you wear that?” your answer can simply be: “Because I like it.”
✅ 5. Notice How You Feel, Not Just How You Look
The best outfits aren’t the ones that get the most compliments—they’re the ones that make you feel confident, comfortable, and happy.
07.
The Double Standard: Why This Myth Exists
The idea that women should dress to appeal to men is deeply rooted in cultural norms. For centuries, women’s fashion was shaped by societal expectations:
In the past: Women’s clothing was often designed to highlight features considered attractive to men—tiny waists, long skirts, restrictive corsets.
In the media: Movies and ads still often portray the “ideal woman” in ways that cater to the male gaze.
In everyday life: Even casual comments like “You’d look better if you smiled” reflect how women’s appearance is constantly evaluated.
But here’s the thing: We don’t exist to be visually pleasing to others.
Style isn’t about attraction. It’s about expression.
08.
What Happened After I Owned My Style
When I fully embraced owning my style, something unexpected happened:
The people who mattered most didn’t care what I wore—they cared that I was happy. The relationships I built became more authentic because I was no longer hiding parts of myself to fit in.
And as for that boyfriend who criticized my outfit?
We broke up.
Not just because of that comment, but because it symbolized a bigger issue—I was shrinking myself to fit into someone else’s expectations. And I was done with that.
09.
Style Is Freedom, Not Approval
If you’ve ever felt pressured to dress a certain way to be accepted, attractive, or “appropriate,” I want you to know: You’re not alone.
But here’s the truth:
✨ You don’t need to dress for anyone’s approval.
✨ Your style doesn’t need to make sense to anyone but you.
✨ Owning your style is about embracing who you are, unapologetically.
So the next time you’re getting dressed, forget the invisible rulebook. Forget the opinions of people who don’t matter.
Wear what makes you feel powerful, confident, and you.
Because at the end of the day, the only person you need to impress is staring back at you in the mirror.
10.
Open Discussion
💬 Have you ever felt pressured to dress a certain way? How did you reclaim your style? Let’s talk in the comments!
